When Shunryu Suzuki was in the hospital dying of
cancer, one of his students visited and said, ‘I am
here to see how a great Zen master dies.’ And Suzuki
said, ‘It might be like this!’ (Koshin screams and flails
his arms.) The student freaked out and ran out of the
room. It’s such a great teaching. There’s no promise
of anything. Yes, Suzuki dedicated his life to practice;
but he was so dedicated that he understood that
death could be anything. I think there’s a fantasy
that if I practice in a certain way; and if I read the
right books; or if I meditate a lot; or whatever,
then I’ll get something. It’s like thinking you’re in
charge when you’re not. No one is. No one can be.
Is there one kind of plant? No. One kind of animal? Or
mineral? So why would there be one kind of right
spirituality or right way of dying? Taking refuge in
‘I don’t know’ is comforting. It is not helpful having
an idea of what a good death is. To me, the woman
railing at the stars is just as good as blissing out and
fading into the twilight. I can’t say that at the moment
I know that I’m dying that I won’t get scared. I don’t
know. There are no guarantees.
We’re attached to a false sense of continuity. It’s
fabricated. Life’s really just about giving and
receiving and just being in the flow of things. The
only thing you can rest upon is that everything
8 | ART OF DYING
The
grasping
to know
something
is the
greatest
deprivation.
“
Every spiritual tradition can tell you specifically what
happens when you die. If it’s your belief system,
that’s great. But which one is the right one? Islamic
Heaven? Being with Christ? The Bardos? To me,
they’re all true. And I have no idea what The
Truth is. Working with people who talk about
where they’re going, people talking about going
to the cosmos– it’s so fascinating. Maybe 10,000
different things I’ve heard. ‘I’m going to be with my
grandmother,’ ‘with my uncle,’ ‘with my great uncle,’
‘my great aunt.’ ‘I’m going back to Russia,’ ‘back with
my indigenous people in Australia.’ To me that’s
the beauty of it. It’s fabulous. Why not?