“
What's
incredible
about
working
with
dying
people is
that they
teach you
death
happens
a million
different
ways.
KOSHIN PALEY ELLISON
The reality of birth and death is that everything
arises and passes away. One of the reasons why
I love the Zen practice is that it is deeply focused
upon the birth and death in each moment. That this
moment will never happen again. And so the only
thing that makes sense is love and tenderness and
absolute attention— which to me is the intimate
understanding that, as we leave the house and
look into the eyes of our loved ones; and look into
the eyes of our neighbors and baristas; that that
moment will never be repeated. There is a famous
Zen proverb, ‘Ichi-go, ichi-e’ which means, ‘one
moment, one chance’— that’s it! To me, it’s incredibly
enlivening and lively to allow that more and more.
What’s incredible about working with dying
people is that they teach you death happens
a million different ways. And of course it
should. It’s just the way it is. The stars in the
night sky. The diversity of the earth itself, so
of course the same with dying, My wish is that
people can die in the way that they feel moved to.
One woman took care of her parents who both had
long chronic illnesses of Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s
until they died. She felt such a relief that her life was
beginning again at 40. Two months later, she was
diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer. Her husband
couldn’t deal with it. In fact, he didn’t visit her in the
hospital. She was so enraged and she had never
been able to be enraged. People on her floor were
scared of her because she was so angry. What she
was so angry about was that she couldn’t believe
that this was happening. She had never expected
this to happen. She felt that her life was supposed
to start anew! Instead, she died sitting up in bed
with her fists in the air and it was glorious because it
was truly her expression of what was really intimate
and what she was never able to experience while
she was healthy. Something new came through.
To me, that was a sacred experience. Kind of like
Job raising his fists against God. That anger needs
to be heard and experienced and honored. How few
of us are that fearless to truly be in what’s actually
real. It’s so rare. There was this defiant rage. And it
was so beautiful. It was exquisite.
VOLUME I | 7