GARTH CALLAGHAN
I think that I knew that I couldn't win because winning
meant no cancer. It impacted me in such a way that I
avoided participation in life. I was that way for a few
months. I thought that I was doing an okay job hiding it.
There was this part of me, this outward part of me, that
on the surface looked okay and looked like, "Hey I'm a
survivor." Inwardly I was not.
I decided I was going to allow myself to have a pity party
and feel sorry for myself for one-third of a day each week.
The other six and two-thirds days I needed to buck up and
be a good husband and father. One Sunday afternoon
or one Thursday morning or whenever it was, I could sit
around the house or stay under the blanket or whatever.
What's really interesting is by giving myself permission to
feel self-pity I actually found that I didn't need to. I think
I only did it once and after that I was like, "Oh you know
what? If I'm feeling bad for myself I'm going to allow
myself to feel bad but I'm not going to shroud myself in
this self pity and wear it like a badge of honor." I really
was able to dig myself out of that darkness. It hasn't
been easy and I certainly don't want to come off as being
overly simplistic.
We are bou
bodies fo
amount
We are for the most part bound to our bodies for a short
amount of time. I have a very firm belief that whatever
makes us us, our soul, exists without a sense of time,
per se. This helps me to endure some of the physical
challenges that I have.
I am transformed. I resisted it for a long time. I was
angry. Now I've come to look at this as, "Okay. Here is
in fact where we are, we can only live in one direction
in terms of time and that's forward. How do I best do
that?" Frankly, how do I best do it to make sure that I'm
being a good example to my daughter so that at some
point in the future, whether it's next week or 40 years
from now, she can look back and say, "You know my
dad never gave up. My dad persisted. My dad decided
that he was going to get into the game despite all of the
challenges that he had.”
I am incredibly average. I am the most boring person
that I know. I believe in my heart that anybody who was
put into the same situation has it within themselves to
do exactly what I've done and face life and death in the
way I have. The only difference could be that I am open
20 | ART OF DYING
JOHN WADSWORTH
to sharing our story and to being public about it. I got
lucky in a couple of ways and had a family that supported
me and a priest that supported me and doctors that
supported me. I made a couple of good choices and we
were off to the races.
I do not hold back. I put it all out on the line. I talk about