is a given
is a great
helps me, it
my mind, as
we say, very
of prostate cancer. My brother had died of
this shortly before. This cancer is mercifully
slow in a way that gives you time to reflect
and see yourself in a different light. There
is a definite point when I know it will be
painful and uncomfortable; but for now, it’s
not really distracting. I am able to do things
and I am very engaged in what I’m doing.
At the moment, I’m in a very good situation.
My brother was very courageous and
amazingly kept his sense of humor. He
was a good example for me. The actual
experience of dying was hard for him
at times, but he faced up to it which was
wonderful because it has really helped
me. I hope that I can do that same for other
If we get down to doctrine and ideas, the
fact that we may not meet the people
we have known ever again is a difficult
thing. I don’t allow my mind to dwell on
it– there’s no point. It would just weaken
me and I need to be as strong as possible.
I’ve always been aware of death. I don’t think
a day goes by that I’ve not been aware of it.
I’m inclined to be melancholy and somewhat
depressed, but it’s always been this way. If I
allowed myself, I would listen to Mahler and
fall into that mood very easily, so I made the
decision that I wasn’t going to do it because
it wasn’t productive, and didn’t help people
around me, nor help my own courage.
I find that humor, smiling and general
goodwill is inspirational l to others. It
comes back to me and it’s a lovely thing
because I have a lot of people I am very
close to. I could be thinking about loss,
which, of course, comes up at certain times.
It’s there very powerfully, but I don’t give it
energy. Now I try to be present and let it
work its way through and go off. And then
I deliberately try to bring my mood to a
positive and happy state. That’s easy at the
moment, because the pain is not strong.
VOLUME I | 15