“
The
awareness of
death nearby,
that there
is a given
time limit,
is a great
awakener, it
helps me, it
concentrates
my mind, as
we say, very
much. Death
enlivens
me. Why
wouldn’t it?
HARRY NORTH
Aboutayearago,Ireceivedthedirediagnosis
of prostate cancer. My brother had died of
this shortly before. This cancer is mercifully
slow in a way that gives you time to reflect
and see yourself in a different light. There
is a definite point when I know it will be
painful and uncomfortable; but for now, it’s
not really distracting. I am able to do things
and I am very engaged in what I’m doing.
At the moment, I’m in a very good situation.
My brother was very courageous and
amazingly kept his sense of humor. He
was a good example for me. The actual
experience of dying was hard for him
at times, but he faced up to it which was
wonderful because it has really helped
me. I hope that I can do that same for other
people.
If we get down to doctrine and ideas, the
fact that we may not meet the people
we have known ever again is a difficult
thing. I don’t allow my mind to dwell on
it– there’s no point. It would just weaken
me and I need to be as strong as possible.
I’ve always been aware of death. I don’t think
a day goes by that I’ve not been aware of it.
I’m inclined to be melancholy and somewhat
depressed, but it’s always been this way. If I
allowed myself, I would listen to Mahler and
fall into that mood very easily, so I made the
decision that I wasn’t going to do it because
it wasn’t productive, and didn’t help people
around me, nor help my own courage.
I find that humor, smiling and general
goodwill is inspirational l to others. It
comes back to me and it’s a lovely thing
because I have a lot of people I am very
close to. I could be thinking about loss,
which, of course, comes up at certain times.
It’s there very powerfully, but I don’t give it
energy. Now I try to be present and let it
work its way through and go off. And then
I deliberately try to bring my mood to a
positive and happy state. That’s easy at the
moment, because the pain is not strong.
VOLUME I | 15